On Being a New Yorker

Being a New Yorker carries a certain connotation that I would like to correct - we are not the rudest state/city and our people are not callous.

I was riding the train this morning looking around at my fellow New Yorkers and I began to think to all the times I've seen one fall, have their bags stuck in subway doors, ask for or give directions and we rise. I recall this scene from some obscure and ridiculous movie, Joe's Apartment, where this performing artist lay on the floor covered in theatrical blood for days while people stepped over (or on) him - b.s.

I have yet to see anyone in distress in this city that at least three to four people do not try to assist. Given the multitudes of tourists, and the frequency in which the typical New Yorker gets stopped to give direction, we're pretty damned patient. We have busy, hectic, rushed lives while our "guests" are strolling side by side blocking the sidewalks and I have to see anyone shove past rudely (and Lord knows I've been wayyyyyyyyyy tempted.) You block subway stations steps with your cell phone calls while we try to single file by but do we shove you down the stairs - seldomly.

There are unspoken rules in New York which maybe, just maybe, if you understood you would realize why we growl and throw dispariging remarks your way. For example we have passing lanes - on the sidewalk. If you wish to pass and walk at the accellerated pace of a real person - ummm - I mean New Yorker - you go on the left. If you wish to lollygag around staring up going oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh STAY ON THE RIGHT! Not a hard concept but you foreigners from Nebraska and other out of the way places can't seem to grasp that.

If you need directions do NOT pick the person with earphones walking in the passing lane. If you ask for directions don't say things like "well she said the Village, how do you get there?" The VILLAGE is not a street - it is an AREA - narrow this shyt down before stopping us please.

We realize that street vendors selling "designer" bags is new to you - but only one row please, do not let your masses back up and block the entire sidewalk k? And we do NOT cross at the green not in between - you are not in Kansas any more - so stop blocking the curb we want through.

You cannot take pictures of anything further than 1.5 feet away or you are getting US in them since we will not be stopped.

Get your overpacked ass off the train during rush hour - we have somewhere to be. Additionall we fit six people a bench on the train, if you don't wanna sit right up on us, stand. We're tired.
We do apologize for casualties and you've seen us mourn however, think, do you really want to leave a bar in the bowery alone at 5 in the morning - we ain't even that brave.

Learn our language, we didn't call you nigger we said niggah - urbandictionary.com - use it.
But, should you seek to understand you will - and in that knowledge you will find that we stand together, we have each other's backs, we help and aid, we feel and show compassion - just follow the rules.