My Damn Cat

I have a cat. Not a breed cat, a regular ordinary off the street cat. Interestingly, I'm allergic to cats but somehow this one just kinda fell into my lap and wouldn't get off. There is a part of me (probably about 85%) that hates this cat. It's a friggin needy, demanding, picky, lil shyt that has tripped me by wrapping itself around my ankles while I walk, has made me stop breathing by laying on my face in my sleep and has destroyed my hallway having scratched the paper off the walls.I feed this furry bag of shyt every day (against my better judgment) - I give it a can of food which it will discriminately nibble at, eating, at most, 1/16th of the can - but can I just give it a little and put the rest in the fridge - NOT. Once it's in the fridge it's considered inedible and the friggin cat would rather starve than let it touch its palate. I also give it dry food which it demands is always available - at all times - no matter what. So why the cans? If I don't give it some at least twice a day from a can, that fucker screams and cries until either I do or I punt it's dumbasss - all depends on the kinda day I'm having.

The cat loves water, but will not drink it off the floor - it must come fresh from the tap at all times thus I leave the water running at least in one place in the house at all times.The cat does not like to sleep alone, it likes to lay up against me, its head on my arm, and woe is me if I move - swipe with the claws. Since life is so damn exciting I usually fall asleep on the couch so I try to position that fucker so I can shove it between the cushions when I want to get up - the shock usually gives me that few second head start I need so as not to get my assed kicked.

I went to Jersey last weekend and that really screwed up with the cat's schedule. I got home and in acts of open defiance this idiot destroyed my house. Down came curtains, blinds lay broken in my kitchen window, glass shattered on the floor, ashtrays knocked over (one inside a crowded chest/table that will now require emptying and cleaning), beverages came-a tumbling down, and my favorite towel full of piss. Yet, idiot that I AM - the cat lives.It's quieted now - my daughter got back from vacation and put the fear of God in it - but the memory lingers. I look into those dead green eyes knowing what it's capable and I stand at alert - I will not be taken by surprise again.

Right now I'm shopping for a dog - A VERY BIG DOG - that will guard me and my home against Eightball the cat from hell - then, and only then, will peace be restored.